Building a Better Burger

Each year, as summer fades to fall, I reflect upon a season of dreadful hamburgers I’ve been served at parties and barbecues over the previous three months.

It’s not that hard to make a great hamburger. So why do so many people screw them up. Several reasons, the top two of which are:

• Too long on the grill/overcooked hockey puck burger
• Non-creative condiments (ketchup, mustard, tomato slices, iceberg lettuce leaves)

Overgrilling is the most frequent problem. And not just with burgers — you’ve been the sad recipient, I’m sure, of leathery chicken breasts or chalky soy-marinated mega-fillets of salmon fresh off their hour on the barbie. The grill should be as hot as you can get it, the burgers at least 1/2 inch thick and well seasoned with salt and pepper. Grill them until brown and a little charred on each side. Touch them with your finger, they should still have a little give — more if you like them medium rare. A burger should never be cooked beyond medium.

Non-creative condiments run a close second. First, pick a good, soft bun or crusty bread. Then think about what you can put on the burger beyond ketchup and mustard. In the video, I use a mixture of BBQ sauce and a little mayo. I cook bacon, and then caramelize onions in the bacon pan with a little rice wine vinegar, ketchup and Worcestershire sauce thrown in at the end. I crumble some bleu cheese on top, and then add some arugula. That simple, and people often say, “That’s the best burger I’ve had!” Here’s some other interesting condiment combinations you could try:

Hawaiian
Grilled pineapple
teriyaki sauce
Maui onion
served on King’s Hawaiian Bread rolls

Kobe-style
Wasabi mayo (wasabi paste mixed with mayonnaise)
julienned green onions
red oak leaf lettuce
served on thickly sliced brioche

Provence
Brie
cornichon pickles
Dijon mustard
frisee lettuce
served on a soft baguette

Tuscany
Proscuitto
shaved parmesan reggiano
salt-cured black olives
arugula
served on a doughy, crusty ciabatta

In & Out Copycat
make two thinner patties for each burger
American cheese slices, cooked on burgers
chopped onion, pan-grilled in a little oil
Thousand Island dressing
ripe tomato slices
iceberg lettuce leaves
served on sesame seed buns

Just in case the above video left you wanting more, here’s the “Immy Cam” outtakes — me and friends talking about the pros and cons of Twitter, my friend Alex holding my new daughter Imogen:

The Torta

Do you live near a Vallarta Market? If you are in Southern California, you may be fortunate enough to have a Vallarta Market near you. It’s the Whole Foods of the Mexican community, minus the organic and the quinoa and the whole-paycheck part. The Vallarta Market is REALLY inexpensive, and has really great Mexican stuff. The prepared foods are fabulous (pick up the “Pork al Pastor” pre-marinated in the meat section, take it home and grill it up with some tortillas and their homemade salsa roja.)

Anyway, the best part of the Vallarta Market, in my humble opinion, is the Torta Cubana. You can only eat this sandwich once a year, or it will kill you. It takes two days to eat, and each time you eat it, it takes half a day to digest. But it is worth it — a bun piled with beans, fried egg, grilled ham, bacon and cheese. (And still, it’s better for you than one of those Carl’s Jr. things you see on TV.) Add some salsa and pickled jalapeños from the salsa bar in the area you go to sit and eat. And remember, eat half and take the rest home. For y’all unfortunate folks with no Vallarta Market nearby, here’s a recipe so you can make it at home:

Serves two for two days (or four):

Two kaiser rolls or other roundish, flattish bread (you could even get away with ciabatta)
two slices ham, grilled quickly in a hot pan
four pieces of cooked bacon
two eggs, fried
grated colby or cheddar
1/2 cup refried beans
1/2 small onion, chopped
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
mayonnaise
red salsa
pickled jalapeños

Slice the buns open, brush with mayonnaise, and grill in a hot pan until toasted. Add a little more mayo. Then build your torta — refried beans, topped with a fried egg, topped with a slice of ham and the bacon, topped with grated cheese and then chopped onion and cilantro. Put the top bun on. Now put a little vegetable oil (canola, sunflower, whatever) in a pan — just a little bit to create a light barrier. (This could be a good instance for one of those oil sprays I’ve seen.) Heat the pan and place the tortas in the pan to toast. Cover with a lid that is slightly smaller than the pan, so you can press the sandwiches down some. (You could use a panini grill instead if you’ve got one.) When the bottom seems lightly toasted, flip the sandwiches and grill the top. You want them a little toasty on top and bottom, and you want the cheese to begin to melt a little. Take the sandwiches off, remove the top and drizzle with some salsa and add some jalapeños, and put the top back on. Serve.

If you like to experiment, you can mix it up by trying different cheese, different meat (leftover cochinita pibil makes a great torta, as does shredded chicken).

Beverage suggestions: Cold Mexican beer, cold Mexican soda

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