The Sierra’s Gambit

When I was a kid, I was regularly subjected to bribery at the hands of my father. The man was forever running the most tedious errands around the west San Fernando Valley — shopping for bricks and concrete at Jacobi Building Materials, picking up the rent from his apartment buildings in Canoga Park, etc. — and he wanted a buddy to come along. Usually, the promise of lunch at Sierra’s was enough to get the job done.

Canoga Park is a sufferingly hot, flat patch of mostly apartment buildings and car repair shops and a few really depressing looking strip clubs. But Sierra’s was an oasis — after traversing the blazing black asphalt parking lot, you would enter through the big wood front door into a dark, windowless, air-conditioned labyrinth of smooth leatherette booths and exotic Mexican kitsch. The chips and salsa and iced water arrived almost before you sat down. The salsa was hot, and those chips were good.

I would fold my small arms onto the cool endless resined wood of the booth tabletop, waiting for my big plastic-covered menu. There were convincing paintings of Mexican revolutionary heroes, and ceaseless surprises if you stared into corners and toward high shelves — big ceramic piggy banks, paper mache parrots and bunches of fruit, burro piñatas, maracas and little guitars. Years later, waiting in my car in Tijuana to cross the border back into the U.S., I would understand where all that stuff came from.

Okay, but — “How was the food?” you might in all fairness be wondering by this point in the essay. It was of the sort typical to Mexican-American eateries of the latter half of the 20th century — enormous platters-for-one boasting a continent of red-tinged rice and a sea of refried beans, plus whatever entree you chose. Usually for me it was a couple crispy tacos filled with shredded chicken. It all tasted greasy and good, not especially ethnically Mexican but close enough for the gringo kid and his dad.

In later years, my dad and I and sometimes a brother or two would go to Sierra’s to sit in the bar, eat those chips, drink pitcher of ice cold Mexican lager and talk about nothing in particular, maybe catching the action of whatever football game was on out of the corners of our eyes.

Steak milanesa

Sierra’s closed in 2012, a couple years before my father passed away. Now when I drive past, there is only a weedy empty lot that looks much smaller than the wonderfully caliginous palace of pinto beans from my memory. The funeral home where my father was cremated is just beyond. I had never noticed that back in the day.

A few weeks ago, I was at the Vallarta supermercado and saw some thinly sliced tri tip beef on sale. I purchased it, not sure what I was going to do with it. The idea came to me later — Mexican milanesa. I breaded and fried the big shavings of steak, topped the meat with shredded cabbage, salsa, lime and crema, and served it with red-tinted rice and refried beans.

It was the quintessential old school Mexican American restaurant meal, and it reminded me of Sierra’s and those weekend days with my dad. Maybe you have a Sierra’s in your past — maybe you’re lucky and it’s still standing. Pour yourself an ice cold Tecate, find some thinly sliced steak, cook up some milanesa and take your own meandering valley drive to the Mexico America of yesterday.

* * *

Mexican milanesa with rice & beans
serves 4, amply

1 lb. thinly sliced tri-tip or other lean steak cutlets
1 cup flour
4 eggs, beaten
1 cup plain bread crumbs
1/2 cup canola oil
1 cup shredded cabbage
1/2 white onion, thinly sliced
generous handful cilantro, chopped
1/2 cup Mexican crema
salt
fresh lime

Preheat oven to 170.

Place canola oil (or other veggie oil) in a large pan and heat over medium-high.

Dredge steaks in flour, then dip in egg, and dredge again in bread crumbs. Cook two or three cutlets at a time, about 3 or 4 minutes per side, until golden brown and crisp. Remove and drain on paper towels, sprinkle with salt, and place in the oven to keep warm. Continue until all cutlets are cooked (there should be 4-6 cutlets per pound, depending on cut and thickness).

Toss together cabbage, cilantro and white onion. Place a cutlet or two on each of four plates. Top with cabbage mixture, and then a generous drizzle of Mexican crema. Squeeze fresh lime over meat.

Serve with refried beans and Mexican rice.

* * *

Mexican rice
serves 4

1 cup long grain white rice
2 cups water
1 tbsp. chicken bouillon powder
1/4 cup cilantro stems and leaves, finely chopped
2 tbsp. tomato paste

If you have a rice cooker, combine all ingredients and press the “on” button.

If not, combine all ingredients in a large sauce pan on high. Bring to a boil, cover and reduce heat to medium-low. Cook for 20 minutes until done.

In either case, fluff and serve.

Orange Julius

When I was a kid, and we used to go to the Topanga Plaza Mall, I always hoped my parents might find it in their hearts to swing me by the Orange Julius.

You couldn’t miss the Orange Julius — over beyond the Cracker Barrel (or was it a Hickory Farm?), turn left at the Radio Shack, just before the Miller’s Outpost and there it was — the bright orange sign with the curvy type beckoning you.

It wasn’t quite a storefront, yet was more than a stand. In a glass case was a tower of oranges, just to show you that they actually made the drinks from fresh squeezed. I remember the building sense of anticipation as the line moved forward and we approached the counter.

Not me and my father

Forget the sexy teenage girls in their impossibly high hats, knee-high boots and TWA stewardess-inspired one pieces. It was the drink I was after. An ambrosial blended concoction of orange juice, milk, vanilla and ice. Every straw-sucked slurp from the wax-coated paper tumbler was pure heaven, and when I reached the foamy ice-flecked bit at the bottom, I was thoroughly satisfied.

For awhile, there were still a few Orange Julius shops around, hold-out testaments to an earlier, more innocent time. I haven’t seen one in a long while and am not sure if they’ve gone the way of the dodo. But I figured the drink out. So that that one time when I said to my children, “Come closer, let me tell you the story of the Orange Julius…” and initiated them into the legend, and they replied, “Dad, will you take us?” I could ease the inevitable heartbreak with the words, “But I can make you one…”

I call it “Orange Julius-ish,” just in case there are any toupee’d 70s-era vintage copyright lawyers out there in the ethernet, waiting to pounce.

Enjoy!

____________________

Orange Julius-ish
serves 2

1 cup orange juice
1 cup milk
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tbsp. sugar
6-8 ice cubes

Place ingredients in a blender. Blend on high. Pour into glasses, add straws and find sexy teenager in knee-high boots and tall hats to serve.

The Accidental Beekeeper, Pt. II

Between my business (which is still in business), my various creative and entrepreneurial pursuits, my art and music, my cooking and food blog — not to mention pandemic, three children at home requiring motivation, homework help and sustenance — I didn’t need another thing.

But the bees thought otherwise.

Olga and me in our bee suits (note: Mexican straw cowboy hat perched stylishly on top of my bee suit)

Considering our chicken coop and pig, terraced gardens that grow nothing but Swiss chard, and my general food nerd tendencies, I sorta fit the profile of someone who would be susceptible to bee keeping. Plus, we use a lot of honey at our house, and I rather like mead. But it sounded like a hassle — there were big boxes, the need to understand the complex societal structure and enigmatic behavior of bees, and goofy space suits to zip into. Oh, and the fact that on the rare occasion that I do get stung by a bee, the sting site swells up like a balloon and itches for three days.

Once, many years ago, I put an owl box in an oak tree off the bedroom deck in hopes of attracting an owl to chase away rodents. A tiny owl moved in for a week, but unable to attract a mate with his fervent hooting, departed. And a bee hive moved in. For several years, we watched the bees come and go, respecting each other’s personal space. Then one windy day, the hive fell. Angry bees swarmed like a buzzy cloud all over the property. Eventually they dispersed and we collected the honeycomb from the ground. It was remarkable to drizzle Greek yogurt with honey that came from bees outside your window.

Flash forward: seven or eight years, and another hive of bees had moved into a cavity in the siding of our house. As luck would have it, we had a new client who happened to be a beekeeper. I sought his advice, and he suggested outfitting a cardboard box with wire and lemongrass oil to lure the bees out of the hive and move them. I set up my box a little too near the hive, making the bees rather angry but fortunately suffering only one sting (resulting in a Popeye right arm), and waited. It sort of worked — at least some of the bees came out, swarming around a tree, and then flooding into the box. But the main colony was still in the wall, and now I had a box full of bees in addition to the hive. Which was not exactly the solution I’d been seeking.

Moving the box bees to their new home

I decided to consult with my friend Olga, who lives a few houses down. Olga is a stylish beekeeper — a fleek Russian who Instagrams curated photos of her beekeeping, her grapefruit-and-rosemary cocktails in Mason jars and her multicolored Martha Stewart-esque chicken eggs arranged in neat circles. The reward of a whiskey sour was enough to get her over with an empty hive box and two beekeeping suits. We social-distance drank and, our courage fortified, climbed into our bee suits.

It was both terrifying and interesting to walk into a cloud of bees. Olga gathered up the box while I sprayed the bees with sugar water to “calm them down.” It seemed to have more the opposite effect, as a swirl of angry buzzing clouded my vision. But I wasn’t getting stung.

“How do we get them into the hive box?” I said as we descended the property with the cardboard box toward a lonely patch of earth down by the chicken coop we had identified as a suitable spot for a new bee home.

“We’ll pour them,” Olga replied.

Pour them??” I gaped. “You can pour bees?”

Sure enough, while I opened the hive box, Olga tilted the cardboard box and the bees came pouring out — not unlike liquid — into their new home.

“That was stressful!” I said as we reclaimed the deck and stepped out of the white jumpsuits. It was time for another cocktail.

Where do things currently stand? Well, I now have bees in three places instead of one. But I also have a borrowed bee suit and patience. And the hope that one day in the bright future, my bees will all have relocated to the hive box at the far corner of the property, and we will be spooning fresh honey over our Greek yogurt and toasting with glasses of mead. Am I a fledgling beekeeper or merely a harassed homeowner? Too early to tell…

Stay tuned…

And if you’d like to read about our original misadventures in beekeeping, check out The Accidental Beekeepers.

I Stand with Italy

Nobody is talking about anything but the coronavirus these days.

Well, sure… a last few disillusioned holdouts are still talking about Bernie Sanders (“The establishment is robbing us!!!”) — including Bernie Sanders. But everyone else is talking about coronavirus.

A lot of talk surrounds food. “Do we have enough?” “Will the grocery stores close?” “Will we still be able to have the sushi bar Postmate dinner to our door?”

Tortelloni ready for duty

A friend was telling my wife about the pellet gun he had to shoot bunny rabbits in case things got real bad. “But then what would the coyotes eat?” I said.

Things are really bad in Italy, where people have to stay home and eat unending quantities of pasta. (I guess that’s better than being stuck at home with your pantry in Iceland.) As we in Topanga settle in with schools closed and the kids at home for a couple weeks of social distancing, plus the added benefit of rain and more rain in the forecast, my mind, too, turns to food.

It’s a natural instinct to want to cook comforting dishes in uncertain times. Digging around in my freezer in my eternal Sisyphean quest to clear out space, I found a bag of brodo. Brodo is not an intrepid hobbit from a Tolkien book; rather, it is a rich stock made from chicken, pork bones, vegetables. A central ingredient in one of the foodie mecca of Bologna’s most famous dishes, tortelloni en brodo. Basically, tortelloni in a rich broth. Sounds simple enough. Except it’s one of those “sums of its ingredients” dishes where the higher the quality of the two components, the better the dish. You could make a perfectly enjoyable version for you and your kids with Swanson’s chicken broth and grocery store tortellini. But to be truly transcendent, the broth should simmer and reduce for hours, filling the kitchen with steamy, savory scent; the tortelloni lovingly folded around thumbs with homemade egg pasta stuffed with minced pork, mortadella, prosciutto and parmesan. I just happened to have mortadella and prosciutto in the fridge. Tonight, this was the tortelloni en brodo I would make.

I do sometimes think about what we would do, after panic toilet paper shopping, if there was a real emergency — say a big earthquake or breakdown of society — that caused us to be at home for a long period of time without grocery stores. I know we can eat the hundreds of pounds of acorns that fall from our oak grove (and which the acorn woodpeckers have kindly granaried in the siding of our home), though apparently they require a drawn-out process of soaking to render edible. Our flock of chickens produces a fair number of eggs each day, which would keep us afloat for awhile and which this day would be a key ingredient in my tortelloni.

Tortelloni en brodo — yes please!

When I begin wondering if I should be out panic purchasing toilet paper, kneading and rolling out egg dough for tortelloni returns me to my center. The soup was rich and nurturing. Even though we were supposed to be social distancing, pal Steve and his daughters showed up for soup, because he didn’t have any brodo in his freezer, and they needed nurturing too. The spontaneous arrival of guests meant fewer tortelloni for us, but it was nice to have the company.

*    *    *

I also stand with Ireland.

Because, well, I’ve got a lot of Irish blood. And also, it’s almost St. Patrick’s Day, and I have a feeling this bloody virus is going to ruin that happy holiday this year.

I went to our local Ralph’s supermarket the other day, where people had absolutely lost their minds. The lines stretched to the back of the store, the potatoes and toilet paper were gone, and people were just grabbing whatever meat was available. An elderly lady in line in front of me filled the little space left in her basket with a dozen or so boxes of Blue Diamond Nut Thins — never know when you’ll run out of those. Bottled water was cleared out — because the coronavirus is going to cause water to go away? Relatively untouched, however, were rows and rows of packages of corned beef. Did people just not know how good corned beef is? “We’ll have an early St. Patrick’s Day meal!” I said to myself.

My retirement plan

The other advantage of the corned beef is you can stretch it and make multiple meals out of it. I bought the largest one I could find, a hulking four-pounder. Unsurprisingly, the seeded rye bread and sauerkraut had not yet succumbed to panic purchasing, so I grabbed one of each. I could see reuben sandwiches on my horizon!

There was no cabbage, so after my 45-minute check-out process at Ralph’s, I swung by Gelson’s — where ungodly prices seemed to be keeping the hoarding more muted, and paid $5 for an organic cabbage. Even there, the toilet paper was gone.

We enjoyed our first family-only social distancing dinner, an early St. Paddy’s Day feast, on an unnaturally quiet Friday night. The following morning, as promised to my breakfast-loving 16-year-old son, I made corned beef hash with fresh fried eggs (“From the chicken’s butt to your plate!”) that were a crowd favorite. “You should make soup with that!” daughter Imogen had said the night before, peering into the pot of corned beef cooking liquid. Excellent thinking! So an Irish lentil soup also bubbled on the stove. And in the fridge, the makings of the future reuben…

Because who ever said this panic-demic had to be all suffering?

The United Tastes of America

What exactly is American cuisine? I found myself pondering this question after the most unlikely of prompts — a political conversation.

The context was the dismantling of Confederate statues in the south — a point my friendly rhetorical rival argued is the erasing of an important part of the legacy of people in that region. My counterpoint was that for people of African American heritage, these monuments were painful symbols of slavery. And, by the way, were also celebrating men who were technically guilty of treason against the United States. “You can’t equate it with baseball and apple pie,” I said.

Which got me thinking: “How American is apple pie, anyway?”

When I looked “apple pie” up on Wikipedia, it said: “Origin: England.” Or course, the French would likely argue that. The broader point being that there were no apples in the New World when the pilgrims arrived. Nor were there any much earlier when the first people to set foot in North America crossed the Bering Land Bridge during the last Ice Age.

The British brought apples. That is, when they immigrated to North America. The French probably brought them when they immigrated, too. And they probably argued about who made the better crust for their apple pie. (I would likely favor the French, but that’s neither here nor there.) Before the European migrants, there was no apple pie in North America. There was corn and “natives” — who, as we have already established, had themselves migrated here.

Let us not forget that Marco Polo brought the noodle to China. Or, wait… did he bring the noodle back from China??

Apple pie, photo courtesy Betty Crocker

When I was a kid, we didn’t go out for “American” food. There were five restaurants we frequented in our 1970s suburban Los Angeles neighborhood — Sierra’s, a dark labyrinth of vinyl booths and enormous platters of rice, beans and enchiladas or rellenos or whatever main you ordered; Papa Tony’s, your classic red-checker-tableclothed spaghetti-and-meatballs joint; Twin Dragon, what we would later understand to be “Cantonese” style regional cuisine but what back then was just Chinese; Joy of Tempura, where I learned to use delicate chopsticks and developed an early love for bonsai trees and raw fish; and Papillon, a jewel box that served snails and where my parents liked to delight the waitstaff by having the 6-year-old me order the Pouilly-Fuissé. Cooking and serving and bussing in each of those restaurants were happy Mexican, Chinese, French, Japanese and Italian people who came to America or were born to parents who did, bringing their traditions as they crossed the desert or the sea following the American dream.

Cecilia Chiang, pioneer of the famous San Francisco restaurant, The Mandarin, recently turned 90. She may be one of the most American chefs of all. She was born to a wealthy Chinese family, escaped the Japanese occupation in 1942 by walking for six months, fled Mao after that, and wound up in San Francisco in 1960, where with no experience she opened a Northern Chinese restaurant, betting Americans would be open to exploring authentic Chinese flavors beyond egg foo young and chop suey. Likewise, Wolfgang Puck, whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting on several occasions. A Carinthian kid with a dream of a different kind of pizza — a uniquely Austrian/California/Italian mash-up only possible in Hollywood.

Growing up in Los Angeles, a burrito was American food. A few decades ago, my friend, Saul, came across the border in the trunk of a car. He got a job bussing tables at a deli, where he met a jewish waitress whom he eventually married. He got into construction, earned his contractors license, built a house and became a citizen. A few years back, he travelled back for a visit to his family’s village in Jalisco, where he grew up in a small house with ten siblings and no plumbing.

“What would you do when you had to go to the bathroom?” I asked.

“We’d go out in the field,” he said.

“What about toilet paper?”

“We’d find the smoothest rock we could find.”

He came back with a large wedge of cheese for me — queso cotija his mom had made from unpasteurized milk from the family cow. It was one of the most delicious cheeses I’ve ever had, and I guarded over it like it was gold. My American friend Saul, and his mom’s Mexican cheese.

The best apple pie I ever had was at a street festival in the northern Japanese city of Aomori, which is known for its apples. Apples originated in Asia, don’t you know. How did they get to England and France? I don’t know, maybe… migrants??

And that, my friends, is about as American as apple pie.

When we think about immigration, we might think not of walls but rather of fences — the low kind we lean our elbow on as we talk to our neighbor next door whom, upon finding we have much humanity in common with, we invite over for a glass of our family wine or to sit at our table for a slice of whatever apple pie is our tradition. And toast to the fact that we all started out someplace else. And brought our food to America with us.

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