skinny girls & mayonnaise

I was in kitchen, making dinner, when my 8-year-old son yelled from the family room. “Dad, car chase!”

Here in Los Angeles, we have our share of high-speed car chases — if you’re old enough to remember the O.J. Simpson murders, you’ll recall we even have slow-speed car chases. We’ve got a lot of cars, a lot of freeways, and a fair percentage of people doing things they shouldn’t be. I typically don’t pay much attention — it seems prurient, like staring at a car wreck or a topless woman on a European beach. But once in awhile, I get sucked in. Which is what happened the other night, as I cooked chiles rellenos.

I’m not sure how my wife and son stumbled upon it, but there it was on the big screen — a maroon Cadillac truck with dark tinted windows, racing along the surface streets of an L.A. suburb, five or six black-and-white patrol cars in hot pursuit. The action had already been unfolding for nearly an hour, all captured by news helicopters on every local channel you turned to, when we joined in.

The action back in the kitchen, meanwhile, involved my famous chiles rellenos — broiled forest-green poblano chilies, peeled and stuffed with colby jack and queso cotija cheeses, fried in egg merengue and topped with a pumpkin seed/cilantro cream sauce. At the exact moment I got the car chase call, the chilies were in the pan cooking on medium-low, while in a smaller Le Creuset saucepan, the sauce was thickening on medium heat. In the toaster oven was queso fundido with Spanish chorizo, getting all melty good. I sprung like a gazelle across the living room into the family room and watched as the Cadillac weaved through traffic, barely missing oncoming cars, making sudden left and right turns, trailed all the while by the cop cars and news helicopters. After one particularly daring maneuver that gained him some time and distance, he pulled over briefly and two passengers leapt out — a man and a woman — racing into the bushes pursued by police on foot. For some time, I stood there bug-eyed, unable to peel myself away.

And then I remembered my dinner.

An unhappy pan.

Back in the kitchen, the queso fundido timer had gone off and everything was okay there. The chilies were browner than I would’ve liked but still fine. The sauce, however… Oh, the sauce! The center ring of green — now the thickness of porridge — was surrounded on every side by a quarter inch of black char.

I transfered the un-burnt part of the sauce to a new saucepan, added more chicken broth and cream to thin, and all was well (in spite of a slight, unintended smokiness). The Le Creuset pan required an overnight soak and a good deal of scrubbing. The guy in the Cadillac turned a corner, jumped out of his truck, hopped a few fences and crossed a few backyards, and vanished from view.

As of this writing, they hadn’t yet found him.

*   *   *

Chiles rellenos with pepita cilantro salsa
serves 4

4 large poblano chilies (or Anaheim, if you can’t find poblanos)
4 2-oz slices of colby jack (or other cheddar or jack)
4 2-oz slices of queso cotija (or queso fresco)
2 eggs, yolks and whites separated
1 cup flour
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup chicken broth
1/2 cup cream
1/4 cup pepitas (hulled pumpkin seeds)
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
salt to taste

Broil on a piece of foil, broil the peppers close to the heat in a toaster oven or regular oven, turning once or twice, until the skin is blackened and blistered. (Probably 15-25 minutes, depending on heat source. You could also grill them on a barbecue.) Remove from heat and place in a plastic grocery bag and twist the top closed. Let rest for 20 minutes. Remove from bag, peel off skin and discard. Carefully create an opening down the pepper with your hands or a knife, and scoop out as many seeds as you can. Rinse each pepper under cold water, washing out any remaining seeds. Drain on paper towels.

Fill each pepper with one slice colby, one slice queso cotija. Seal closed as best you can.

Place chicken broth, cream, pepitas and cilantro in a blend and puree for 1-2 minutes, until smooth. Remove to a small saucepan, and adjust seasoning with salt to taste.

Place egg whites in a shallow dish and beat either manually or with a hand mixer until you’ve created stiff merengue peaks. Carefully fold in the egg yolks. Place flour in a second shallow bowl. Heat vegetable oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Dredge each chili in the flour, then dip in the egg mixture to cover. Place in warm oil. Continue until all chilies are cooking, and lower heat to medium. Cook for 2-3 minutes per side, and turn over for another 2-3 minutes.

While the chilies are cooking, put the small saucepan over medium heat and bring the sauce to a simmer. Cook for 2 minutes and turn off heat.

To plate: Place a chili on each of four plates. Drizzle liberally with sauce. Serve with rice and beans, if you choose.