skinny girls & mayonnaise

Some of you may remember my earlier posts, “Skinny Girls Top 10 Pet Peeves” and “More Skinny Girls Pet Peeves.” As time goes by and I get crankier, I assemble more food- and/or kitchen-related pet peeves.

Here are some of my new favorite pet peeves:

• The Last Bits Left in the Mayonnaise or Peanut Butter Jar
I’ve reached a point in my life where I no longer try to get the last spoon or knife full of the mayonnaise or peanut butter out of the jar. But then, I feel a twinge of residual guilt as I throw the jar away knowing there’s still some small measure of food inside. And then I feel resentful for feeling guilty. etc.

• Dried Herbs
Don’t get me wrong, dried herbs have their place. But that place is very specific and very limited — dried oregano on a pizza for example, or dried thyme in a gumbo. Have you ever had a pasta made with dried basil? I have. It is not a good thing. I’ve been served pastas before that had a speckled gray-green mash-up of dried herbs thrown into them. “Oh,” I’d observe, “I see you put some dried herbs in your pasta.” “Why yes,” my tormentor might respond, “Just some oregano and basil and thyme.” “What, no marjoram?”

• Knife with Peanut Butter Stuck to the Counter
Here’s another peanut butter-related pet peeve (peanut butter just seems to lend itself to pet peeves). Why do people make a sandwich or snack or whatever with peanut butter, and then set the butter knife down on the counter instead of washing it?? My wife does this. In fact, come to think of it, I believe every girl I’ve ever dated has done this. Maybe it’s just a girl thing. I think my mother did it, too. Now we’re getting into deep-seeded psychological issues from childhood…

• Jicima/Asian Pear
I don’t know what jicima is, it doesn’t taste like anything. I’ve never seen it anywhere except on crudite platters at pot lucks (see “Skinny Girls Top 10 Pet Peeves”). I am afraid of it. And I am entirely convinced that jicima and Asian pear are actually the same thing.

• Kitchen Rearranging
Sometimes with the best of intentions, my wife or a nanny will rearrange the fridge, cupboard or utensil drawers. I realize they may seem disorganized, but there is a method to the madness which tends to evolve organically — the things I use the most are in places where they are easy to get. So when a-particular-nanny rearranges the cupboard and puts all the balsamic vinegar-related products and all the oils together, while it may make logical sense it’s actually not really that helpful.

• The Guy in the Restaurant Chewing on an Unlit Cigar
I was having lunch with my father at a reasonably nice Italian restaurant, and in came a guy chewing on an unlit cigar. Of course, they seated him at the table right next to us.  As you might guess, he was very loud and mentioned Las Vegas at least 5 times. The only time he didn’t chew the cigar was when he was chewing his lunch.

That guy.

• That Guy in the Restaurant Having a Loud Conversation on His Phone
The same restaurant, by the way. I don’t even mind people talking discreetly into their phones. This guy was carrying on in his normal loud voice like he was at home or in the office. I learned many things about his life that I didn’t really care to know.

That other guy.

Even my daughter Willa has a kitchen pet peeve. It’s when Dad cooks with his Vietnamese fermented fish sauce.

Witness her and her friend Van around dinner time: