Shopping in the Time of Coronavirus

Today, I went grocery shopping.

“Don’t touch anything!” my wife suggested helpfully as I left the house.

We weren’t in “need” of food, exactly — we could’ve easily lasted a month or more on the supplies in our amply stocked freezer, pantry and garage before even resorting to turning on the chickens and pig or trying to grind acorns. But the half-and-half was running low, we were almost out of kale… And I was getting cabin fever. (My nascent experiment as a home-schooler parent in danger of going horribly awry.) So it was time.

Eerily quiet at the expensive Bristol Farms

The world was strangely quiet, like driving around on early Christmas morning. I got to the local Ralph’s supermarket, where there was a line stretching across the parking lot (although people were maintaining 6 feet between one another). I turned to leave the parking lot to try somewhere else, before realizing that the line was moving fairly swiftly, and seeing a sign that said, “Only 50 family groups allowed in at a time. Help us maintain space between shoppers.” This seemed fairly sensible, and as I was in no particular hurry, I parked and queued up.

The spirit in the line was jovial, people making virus jokes whilst keeping proper distance from their potential infector beside them. Inside, the store was sparsely populated. It wasn’t quite Soviet bread line shopping — there was plenty of food to be had, although the selection was somewhat picked over. And if you were Italian, for example, and having a spaghetti jones, forget it. A man near the deli counter sneezed, and the store froze. He raised his hands defensively, like a bank robber caught in the act, people exhaled and carried on.

Figuring I would want to hunker down at home the next few days and watch what happened with the viral numbers, I planned to get in as much shopping as I could. My next stop was the Vallarta Mexican super mercado. Aside from limits on tortillas and the requisite empty toilet paper aisle, things seemed more or less normal. I grabbed some pork and Oaxaca cheese, loaded up on my limit of Sonora rustic tortillas and headed out.

It was a different scene at Trader Joe’s. Whether they were limiting the number of shoppers or simply overwhelmed I couldn’t tell, but the line stretched around the side of the building and off into the distance toward the Target. I didn’t even slow down. Instead, I would head for the Trader Joe’s in Calabasas, where the beautiful people live and don’t put up with queueing. Sure enough, I parked and walked right in. Like the Ralph’s, there was no pasta. But I got lettuce and the prized half-and-half, plus beer and whisky; and everything after that was icing on the cake. There was a strict limit on many items here as well.

Heroic checkers at the Calabasas Gelsons

“Is he allowed to get two of these?” the young clerk asked her supervisor. The supervisor glanced at my half-and-halfs, looked at me, and looked at her. “The limit is for milk. But if you don’t really need two…” They had me — the implied guilt of depriving another shopper of their half-and-half. I slumped and pushed the second carton toward the supervisor.

I had just exited the store when I realized I had forgotten cream cheese for my son’s bagels, and ran back in (thank goodness for no lines!). I approached a different clerk with my single purchase. “Hey,” the kid said, “Quit hoarding all our cream cheese!”

I will take a moment here to offer a shout out to the humble grocery store clerk. Who would’ve ever thought this part-time gig would be praised for its heroism? But here they are, handling much-handled goods, facing shopper after potentially-corona’ed shopper, and doing so with humor and grace. Most without health benefits or sick leave, should they become infected.

There would be two more markets en route as I began to wind my way back into the mountains. The first was the uber-fancy Bristol Farms, where the customers REALLY don’t put up with queueing. Inside it was a bit emptier than usual. A friendly grocer stocking a shelf in the dry goods aisle asked how it was going. “Pretty well,” I replied, “You?” “Barely holding it together,” he huffed before shuffling off — a refreshing bit of transparency, I thought.

I noticed as I waited for my shaved finocchiona salami that there hadn’t yet been a run on caviar. “Do you need some?” the deliman asked when he saw me looking at it. “Oh, not today,” I replied.

At the Gelson’s up the road, there were at least a few boxes of orrechiete and campanelle on the otherwise cleared-out pasta shelves. “Don’t they know how good these are!?” I thought to myself, as I snatched up my two-box limit and slipped out.

A light rain was falling as I wound my way along lonesome Highway 27 toward the sea, a brief moment of contemplative solitude before I returned to my role of chef, waiter, co-teacher and activity director back home, wondering how long this very strange interlude might last…

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Michelle
    Mar 22, 2020 @ 13:39:30

    I had wondered if this period would cause a resurgence in blogging. And so it has. Stay safe and keep writing.


  2. Clay
    Mar 25, 2020 @ 12:31:16

    I too enjoyed hearing about your adventures. Best to you and the family.


    • scolgin
      Mar 26, 2020 @ 14:20:21

      Hey Barclay! One unexpected consequence of being stuck at home — I’m blogging more! Hope you are well. I miss you. I meant to check in after your comment on my Puerto Vallarta blood clams post, but got swept up in pre-virus activities… Best to you, amigo.


  3. ~M
    Apr 10, 2020 @ 17:50:03

    This made me laugh so hard… I can totally picture it. Lol… “A man near the deli counter sneezed, and the store froze. He raised his hands defensively, like a bank robber caught in the act, people exhaled and carried on.”

    I’ve been a homeschooling momma for 13 years. I still have to invent reasons to leave the house. But the isolation thing is mostly my normal routine. 😉


    • scolgin
      Apr 10, 2020 @ 18:14:33

      I have a newfound respect for you. (Even though I don’t know you. 😄). Homeschooling is a thing! My kids seem to finish their schoolwork in like three hours, though. 😳 I’m like, “Wait, this can’t be right…”


      • ~M
        Apr 10, 2020 @ 18:22:07

        Yeah, we have days like that, but then we also have days where they never seem to finish. Yesterday was one of those days. 🙄

      • scolgin
        Apr 10, 2020 @ 18:26:48

        How many do you have and what age?

      • ~M
        Apr 10, 2020 @ 19:36:44

        I have four girls. Now let me remember their ages. Lol… Ok, think I’ve got it… 11, 18, 23, & 26. Now I feel old. 😳 And I also have two grandchildren under the age of two. My 18yr old just moved out last weekend and the other two have been gone for ages now. And of course they all live far away. Anyway, it’s been extra quiet lately, which I’m not complaining about. But it is a big change. How about you?

      • scolgin
        Apr 10, 2020 @ 20:00:59

        WOW! That’s a lot. (Although my wife and I both grew up in families of six.) And four girls, what fun! I have three kids — a son (16) and two daughters (13 and 9), who are all here and bouncing off the walls. 🤣

      • ~M
        Apr 10, 2020 @ 22:24:54

        Oh you must have tons of family then. Funny your kids age differences are practically the same as mine.

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