So This Skinny Girl Walks Into a Bar…

The Bacon Tree

Tomorrow one of my skinny yoga teacher sisters is coming for dinner. (Yes, I’ve got two.) She’s not exactly a vegetarian – she eats a lot of fish, which is okay in the culinary curriculum of many vegetarians. (Fish being some sort of pseudo-animal, I guess, more related to an avocado than a pig.) There should be a new name for these types of eaters — quasitarians, maybe… or rationalitarians. She will also eat “small quantities” of meat. I’m not sure exactly where the line is on that one. I think I’ll play it safe and grill some whole sea bass, slice up some tuna crudo, make a couple pizzas.

My other skinny yoga teacher sister had been a vegetarian (fish aside) for as long as I can remember. Then she had heart surgery for a congenital defect and the doctor said she needed more iron. It was strange the first time I cooked a rib-eye for her. She took well to her new dietary guidelines.

I also dated a fair share of vegetarian (fish aside) yoga students, yoga teachers and aspiring-starlet-yoga practitioners during my single days. I mean, I lived in Santa Monica after all. I even once dated a vegan — no fish! But as a chef and Dionysian omnivore, it was always too much of a challenge. I couldn’t have dated anyone for long who watched a lot of television, vacationed in Lake Havasu or had a passion for country western music, either.

While I was never a nerdy office guy, I still felt my share of trepidation when contemplating asking out a skinny yoga student starlet. So I made this fun cartoon to give all the little guys encouragement. And remember boys, the magic word is “quinoa”. Enjoy.

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Greggie
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 00:24:25

    Very funny and as Groucho would say ” The secret word is…. quinoa.” But is it kosher for a Jewish girl?


  2. Anthony
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 01:09:13

    There is a name for it:


    Real vegetarians don’t eat fish. 🙂


  3. Laurie
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 03:32:24

    Now I know what I want for my Birthday! A bacon tree!


  4. Leo
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 04:23:12

    How did you get into my office and hide that camera Sean?


  5. paul
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 14:26:39

    Dreaming of a big pile of Bacon leaves raked up in a pile . . . please do not wake me!


  6. Lisa Gaskin
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 22:48:53

    I’ve never been a real vegetarian…just don’t like red meat, pork, chicken etc. as much as fish. I DO HATE MAYONNAISE and thus am one of my bro’s muses in the naming of this blog.

    The MEAL was phenomenal…pork shoulder, bacon-y stuff and all!


  7. Ben
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 18:29:12

    *applause* (for the CGI animation “Hookup with a Pescetarian”)

    You would be very disappointed in me this week. I’ve gone on a 21-day vegan cleanse. I just got done making a lentil loaf. Don’t worry, ribeye will be the first thing I eat on day 22.


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