The Bacon Tree
Tomorrow one of my skinny yoga teacher sisters is coming for dinner. (Yes, I’ve got two.) She’s not exactly a vegetarian – she eats a lot of fish, which is okay in the culinary curriculum of many vegetarians. (Fish being some sort of pseudo-animal, I guess, more related to an avocado than a pig.) There should be a new name for these types of eaters — quasitarians, maybe… or rationalitarians. She will also eat “small quantities” of meat. I’m not sure exactly where the line is on that one. I think I’ll play it safe and grill some whole sea bass, slice up some tuna crudo, make a couple pizzas.
My other skinny yoga teacher sister had been a vegetarian (fish aside) for as long as I can remember. Then she had heart surgery for a congenital defect and the doctor said she needed more iron. It was strange the first time I cooked a rib-eye for her. She took well to her new dietary guidelines.
I also dated a fair share of vegetarian (fish aside) yoga students, yoga teachers and aspiring-starlet-yoga practitioners during my single days. I mean, I lived in Santa Monica after all. I even once dated a vegan — no fish! But as a chef and Dionysian omnivore, it was always too much of a challenge. I couldn’t have dated anyone for long who watched a lot of television, vacationed in Lake Havasu or had a passion for country western music, either.
While I was never a nerdy office guy, I still felt my share of trepidation when contemplating asking out a skinny yoga student starlet. So I made this fun cartoon to give all the little guys encouragement. And remember boys, the magic word is “quinoa”. Enjoy.
skinny girls & mayonnaise 
Apr 19, 2011 @ 00:24:25
Very funny and as Groucho would say ” The secret word is…. quinoa.” But is it kosher for a Jewish girl?
Apr 19, 2011 @ 01:09:13
There is a name for it:
“Pescetarian”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pescetarianism
Real vegetarians don’t eat fish. 🙂
Apr 19, 2011 @ 01:14:48
Well there you have it! That’s what Heather was until I converted her.
Apr 19, 2011 @ 03:32:24
Now I know what I want for my Birthday! A bacon tree!
Apr 19, 2011 @ 04:23:12
How did you get into my office and hide that camera Sean?
Apr 19, 2011 @ 05:22:20
So that‘s how you and April met!
Apr 19, 2011 @ 14:26:39
Dreaming of a big pile of Bacon leaves raked up in a pile . . . please do not wake me!
Apr 19, 2011 @ 22:48:53
I’ve never been a real vegetarian…just don’t like red meat, pork, chicken etc. as much as fish. I DO HATE MAYONNAISE and thus am one of my bro’s muses in the naming of this blog.
The MEAL was phenomenal…pork shoulder, bacon-y stuff and all!
Apr 19, 2011 @ 22:50:38
And you didn’t even notice the mayo. : )
Apr 20, 2011 @ 21:44:17
ha…I can handle it if it’s well disguised
Apr 21, 2011 @ 18:29:12
*applause* (for the CGI animation “Hookup with a Pescetarian”)
You would be very disappointed in me this week. I’ve gone on a 21-day vegan cleanse. I just got done making a lentil loaf. Don’t worry, ribeye will be the first thing I eat on day 22.
Apr 21, 2011 @ 18:31:30
Lentil loaf!?!! No, Ben, no… you were one of the good ones.