skinny girls & mayonnaise

My friend Jon has long served as comic relief for my blog. If my cheffy friends are the Shakespearean thespians, he is Falstaff, the bumbling kitchen clown. I like to post shots of his attempts to make himself dinner, or stories about his inviting his visiting parents over to our house for a meal.

A few nights back, we were invited to dinner at our friends the Tehranis, and Jon would be joining us. He called me beforehand. He wanted to know if he made his specialty, Coke-and-Jack Daniels sausage, if I would feature him on my blog again.

Jon, like a proud papa, with his sausages

“The first time is free,” I said. “After that, you have to pay to be on it.”

There was something triumphant in Jon’s gait as he arrived at the dinner party 90 minutes late (“I fell asleep.”), carrying a large foil-covered yellow baking dish. Like an artist pulling back a drape to reveal his latest masterpiece, Jon removed the foil and grinned.

He pushed a container of toothpicks at me and nodded, and I tried a sausage. It was indeed delicious. What was the secret?

“Just Coke and Jack and then you cook the shit out of it,” he said.

“What kind of sausage do you use?” I asked.

“Whatever’s the cheapest.”

This is serious single guy stuff, football party food, although I could imagine Jon serving it to a date — just like that, in its baking dish, no veggies or side dishes to get in the way. I was glad I was drinking a beer to wash it down with; wine would’ve been silly.

“It’s even better when it’s had a chance to sit awhile and the fat coagulates,” he assured me.

It was a mighty mountain of sausage. But we were hungry and it was tasty. The wives approached daintily, but soon abandoned any pretense at etiquette. Then the kids discovered the sausage as well.

And soon:

Last few bites & coagulated fat

While I wanted to be the one to eat the last sausage or two, I refrained — I’d had my share, and there was still dinner to be contented with.

If you’ve got a football party on the horizon, or a date with a carnivore you really wanna impress, here’s the recipe — directly from Jon himself. This may be the shortest recipe I’ve ever featured on this blog. Enjoy!

*    *    *

Jon’s Coke & Jack Daniels sausage
serves lots

2  polska kielbasas or other cured sausage
six shots (more or less) Jack Daniels
2 cans Coke

Cut the polska into 1-inch chunks. Brown in a hot pan (Jon likes to use a wok). Add Jack Daniels, let cook for a minute, then add Coke. Reduce heat to medium and cook until the sauce becomes thick and glazey (i.e. Cook the shit out of it.) Serve warm in a ceramic dish.